He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize