so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
