im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
