Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
