3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
