he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
