saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
