Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize