I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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