Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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