After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
