you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
