you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
