Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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