I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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