would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
