I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
