I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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