Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
