my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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