We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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