You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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