whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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