I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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