i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
