Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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