Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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