Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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