Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
