OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
