Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize