The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
try to milk me bitch
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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