Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
