In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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