do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
