as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
