I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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