Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
