he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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