i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
