i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
