just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
