My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Small penises have feelings too.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
