i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
