When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
