my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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