I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
