opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His nipple licking is glorious
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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