i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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