He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
