Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
