nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
