Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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