She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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