so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
