I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
