Fuck appropriateness.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
