dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
