it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
