hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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